Forty steps in 40 days to put a wonky marriage back on even keel. Impossible? It might seem so to couples constantly in conflict but it’s the theme of the movie Fireproof, which was screened to acclaim in America last year and is now available in SA on DVD.
The movie and the book on which it’s based, The Love Dare, were developed simultaneously by American brothers Stephen and Alex Kendrick.
The bestselling book is so popular it has been translated into 17 languages. Both the movie and the book contain the 40 steps, a programme that has breathed new life into nearly 4 000 troubled marriages, according to the official Fireproof website.
Several churches use the book in discussion groups and experts say it’s a life-saver for desperate couples in a stressful world.
Dr Johan Gouws, a Kempton Park marriage and family therapist, uses the 40 steps successfully in his therapy sessions. “They open your eyes to your partner’s needs. They teach you an approach of service and what you can do for your partner without expecting anything in return.”
But he warns the steps aren’t an instant solution and they take hard work. “They’re about changing your habits and adapting, regardless of your partner’s reaction.”
Marriage and family therapist Elma Bartlett says, “Positive things come out of the 40 steps, especially that you should persevere and be less selfish. One can easily feel like a victim in a relationship; the steps show you it’s your responsibility to change your situation.”
The first step is for one of the partners to want to make the marriage work or at least give it a last try, she says. “The 40 steps give people in difficult circumstances new hope. And although few things guarantee a ‘fireproof relationship’ they’re a good start.”
- See the latest issue of YOU for more details of the 40 steps.